Building Successful Influence Relationships: Why “Keeping Score” Doesn’t Work
By B. Kim Barnes (Reprinted from LinkedIn, February 5, 2021)
Editor's Note: As many of you are returning to the workplace while others continue to work remotely, we are finding ourselves in the midst of a new challenge: the hybrid workforce. We are convinced that influence skills are absolutely vital to meeting these challenges. Not only that, but in the hybrid environment, "keeping score"—when some have access to the workplace resources and others do not—is not an advisable tactic.
Much has been written and said about the importance of “win-win” relationships, but like many good ideas, it has become a cliché. If it is practiced in a demeaning, trivializing, or dishonest way (i.e., “Let Harry think it was his idea”), it will not work. People keep score in organizations and the current score can affect the outcome of any influence event. The scoring system in most organizations goes something like this:
- You owe me one.
- I owe you one.
- We’re even.
These scores are usually only mentally recorded for “wins” of some substance (it cost one party something and the other party gained something from it). As long as both parties see the score the same way and keep the score in mind when influencing one another, the system works pretty well. Unfortunately, this system is very subjective and thus the current score is seldom understood the same way by each player. This can lead to conflict ranging from private grumbling and reluctance to cooperate to openly hostile relationships between or among individuals or groups.
A better basis for building influence relationships is through a set of principles. Some of these are implicit (unspoken but integral to the relationship) and some are explicit (discussed and agreed upon).
Implicit principles include:
- Fairness: The other will strive to be just and even-handed, to play by the rules.
- Integrity: The other will honor any agreements that he or she makes.
- Trust: You can assume that what the other says to be true is true.
The article continues on LinkedIn. Please join the discussion!
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Exercising Influence Online in November 2021
This November, we're reprising our full, virtual edition of Exercising Influence, our popular influence skills training program, as an online public program/webinar.
The schedule is below:
Session 1:
November 2, 2021, 9:00 am – 12:00 noon
Session 2:
November 9, 9:00 am – 12:00 noon
The cost for the webinar is $875
Kim Barnes’ Article on Constructive Debate in TD Magazine
This month, TD Magazine (from ATD) is featuring an article by B. Kim Barnes entitled "What's Your Idea?" The article is on one of Kim's favorite topics: how Constructive Debate can help better ideas come to the fore in the workplace.
Below is a brief excerpt:
Many years ago, the L&D managers at a high-tech company asked me to help them deal with the dearth of good ideas they believed resulted from workers’ reluctance to challenge one another, aversion to conflict, and wanting to play it safe. The L&D managers perceived many team or task force meetings as low energy and unproductive—but the meetings after the meetings were full of wry comments and put-downs and revealed the essence of participants’ real opinions.
After... observing many meetings, I concluded that the problem resulted from a combination of cultural barriers, clunky processes, and skill deficits. With a colleague, Rebecca Hendricks, I developed a process and a set of skills called constructive debate that enables leaders and teams to participate in vigorous back-and-forth contests intended to develop stronger ideas rather than prove who is right.
Read the entire article on the ATD website (subscription required)
Recipe: Grilled Peaches with Brie over Greens
Lauren Powers, SVP, Business Development
With delicious peaches currently in season, here's a recipe for a first course that's sure to impress! I had this at a restaurant on one of my many pre-Covid trips to San Francisco and recreated it for you to enjoy. By the way, if you want to make this and can't find peaches, pears make an excellent substitute.
For Salad:
- Bag of mixed baby greens
- White or yellow peaches, cut in half
- Triple crème brie sliced into 4 pieces
- Sliced almonds, pistachios, or pecans
For Dressing:
- 2 tbsp vinegar or juice from one lemon
- 3 tbsp olive oil
- 3 tbsp canola oil
- 1 tbsp sugar or honey
Method:
- Brush peaches with olive oil and grill so they are still firm but show grill marks.
- Place salad ingredients in bowl.
- Mix dressing ingredients in separate container. Shake well.
- While peaches are warm, top with sliced brie.
- Lightly dress salad greens. Refrigerate excess dressing for future salads.
- Plate greens, add one peach half to each plate and top with nuts.
Serves 4.
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